Keep It Going

I write this as I gaze at my daughter, a little over three weeks old, lying on an infant warmer naked besides her diaper so that those caring for her can examine her head-to-toe.  She is attached to a ventilator that enters her body through her right nostril while medical gauze above and below her nose holds the tubing in place. 

Her mouth remains agape due to a combination of both gravity from the slight tilt of her bed & the positioning of the metal contraption on either side of her jaw.  The jaw detractor is in place with two pins that penetrate the skin just behind the chin and the hinge of the jaw, respectively. On each side of her face, those pins are connected by a long rod with brackets.  Beneath the skin is a surgical break on each side of the lower mandible so that, when the tool is used to crank forward the pin behind the chin, the entire lower structure of her face will move millimeters at a time. 

Everly has about 2 inches of medical tape under her chin hiding the scar where Dr. Matthews accessed her mouth and augmented muscles under the tongue allowing it to lay forward instead of pointing straight up.  Her open mouth reveals results of the surgery as the tip of the tongue can be clearly seen.  It was too far in the back of her mouth to see previously.  She has a string attached to her tongue that runs outside the mouth and secured to the right side of her face by more tape so that, if the tongue slides back and causes airway blockage, her care providers can easily pull it back up. 

Her right arm now has a PICC line, a more secure IV that runs through a blood vessel up her arm.  This stabilizes a pathway for the paralytic, narcotic, and fluids she receives.  Her heart and lung leads are still in place on her torso as they have always been since her birthday.  Another IV enters her left foot secured heavily by several layers of more tape.  This IV remains capped, ready in case the need arises to introduce more medication as her PICC line can only handle 3 mediums at a time. 
 
Her right leg has a reprieve from the oxygen lead and now only has identification anklets loosely fitted on it.  The oxygen lead is now attached to her left hand wrapped by purple gauze.  She remains supported underneath by a thick pillow filled with moldable putty that contours around her body giving support and preventing ulcers that could arise if there were more pressure points. 
She will be re-positioned every few hours while maintaining a pillow around the top of her head, protecting the device on her face from disruption. 

The nurses prick her heal every 12 hours or so to check her blood-gas levels, adjusting the ventilator's settings up or down depending on the results.  They will slowly reduce her drug dosages each day.  As of Sunday, Dr. Matthews will return to begin the process of slowly torqueing the detractor.  He will visit every day after that to review progress. 

I know that is a long, descriptive account of where we are right now.  I needed to get it all out.  I saw the relief it gave Lauren to write about everything and I, quite honestly, want to copy her.  The above was for me, I wanted to explain to others what I must see right now when I look at my daughter.  Now, I want to talk about everyone reading this post.

If you have gotten this far...wow!  You truly care about our family.  It is POWERFUL.  It is MEANINGFUL. It is GODLY.  Words of gratitude seem shallow and don't possess the ability to fully articulate the way we feel towards you all.  We have received so much love through messages, letters, prayers, gifts, and offers help in any way, that Lauren are overwhelmed...in a very good way.

We are not ashamed to ask for your continued prayers and support as we have experienced so abundantly your willingness to serve our family during this time.  I want to reiterate our sincere desire to reflect that same love back to you all.  Please let us know if there are prayers we can lift up for you as we pray over Everly.  We want to include you in our prayers as much as you all have been so diligent with including us in your own. 

In my opinion, whether you believe in Jesus as the Son of God and means of salvation or not, you are being Christ-like in the kindness you have shown to my family.  I can't say thank you enough. It is my deepest desire that everyone reading this will seek truth with an open mind and heart, considering The Bible as a source.   My faith and my own continuously maturing search for truth through Jesus strengthens my steadfast resolve that there is value in a relationship with God.
 
We are all inundated with examples of people spreading hate, callousness, and hypocrisy.  Not nearly enough do we see stories of pure unabashed love being spread without judgments or agendas.  You all are such a story. Lauren and I have a church family, particularly our community group, showering us with support.  Our local friends have been quick to unselfishly offer up time and resources to our family.  Across the country, we have family praying us through our pain and fear. 

Friends from college and high school, with years of silence separating us from being involved in their lives, have shown up in droves via messages of support.  Some going as far as telling us they will travel to Charlotte to help however they can.  What love!  What compassion!

I believe such actions reflect perfectly the message Jesus imprinted on the world.  My hope is that Lauren and I KEEP IT GOING.  Spreading the love you all have given us to others who need it.  I ask all who read this to KEEP IT GOING.  Even your smallest gestures and seemingly miniscule efforts can have enormous impacts on the recipients.  I have felt this firsthand. 

When I look back at how the first ecclesia (church) developed as just a gathering of people wanting to spread the love of Jesus, I ask "what is the big difference between them and the church universal now?  How did 5,000 people communicate the life of a carpenter's son so successfully that it became the basis of faith for most of the civilized world?"  I believe the answer is how they loved each other and others.  I see that towards my family now. So many people showing so much love, what if we could magnify that to the masses?  How would the world's view of Christians change? If everyone simply identified Christ-followers by how we love each other and others, wouldn't that draw more people near?  Wouldn't you want to be a part of that faith family?  There is warmth and comfort knowing so many will always be there to support us.  I want the same for all my loved ones.

So, to sum up this seemingly endless essay, KEEP IT GOING.  It's a charge I put on myself.  It's a request I ask of you all.  The amazing love you have shown my family, KEEP IT GOING.  You will impact those in your life in ways they will never be able to express...not even in a very loooong blog.  :)

God bless every single one of you. 

 

Open Invitation

Many of you who will read this have been diligently keeping up with my wife's blog.  She has done and, I'm sure, will continue to do an amazing job articulating our circumstances and intimating our emotions as we go through what has been one of the darkest season of our lives.

I encourage everyone willing to read her updates as well.  http://thenotsosmallings.blogspot.com/

As a brief synopsis for those unaware of our situation, Lauren and I officially became first-time parents of a beautiful baby girl that we named Everly Lynne on January 8th, 2014.  This date is meaningful in so many ways as it was the exact day, three year prior, that Lauren and I met for the first time. 

Lauren had a C-section as it was predicted that Everly was going to be a sizeable newborn and thus a safety concern for both mommy and baby for natural delivery.  Evie gave us our first shock as parents when she came into the world at a mere 8 lbs 3 oz...3 lbs below the original guesstimation! 

Our second shock was the abundant dark hair she was sporting.  Only about fifteen minutes later, shock number three came as nurses began noticing that Everly was having difficulty breathing.  Someone threw out the term Pierre-Robin Sequence, but the phrase sat stagnant in the air, no one addressing it further possibly out of fear of explaining what that meant to the parents of this brand new baby or simply because no one quite new what the condition truly entailed. 

It has been a crazy three weeks since, filled with struggles, false hopes perpetuated by misdiagnoses, and crushing blows as Lauren and I readjust our expectations upon learning Evie's PRS is more severe than what we were originally told. 

While in the midst of this struggle, obviously Lauren and I spend an immense amount of time in thought and prayer about our sweet baby.  This is, of course, understandable and natural.  However, I feel we'd be remiss to not take moments to recognize and lift up those people in our lives that are going through their own struggles. 

Lauren and I love a God that cares for all of the approximate 7 billion people on this planet!  To many, it's hard to fathom that a God  wants to be and can be personal and relational with so many individuals.  However, our God, according to The Bible, made EVERYTHING.  From vast galaxies to microscopic organism, our Heavenly Father created it all.  He has the omniscience to know every detail of His creation.  He knows how many hairs are on Everly's head...and they are abundant! 

If we truly ascribe ourselves to the ways and teachings of Jesus as we claim to do, I believe we must, as much as we can, care for others as Jesus did.  While we can't reach out to 7 billion, Lauren and I can reach out to the thousands of people we know...many of whom have showered us with so much love and support in our time of need. 

It does well for our souls to include friends and families in our prayers along with those we lift up for Everly.  In some ways, I feel closer to God than I ever have before.  I long to talk to Him, and I speak for Lauren and myself when I say we desire to pray for anyone else who wants/needs us to do so. 

Hence, this is our OPEN INVITATION!  Please email/call/text us with anything that is on your heart.  Your struggles, fears, and worries will be lifted up along with our own.  In doing so, Lauren and I can maintain perspective of our own situation in the light that so many others are feeling similar pain and sorrow.  Our greatest desire is to bring a little hope and strength to others as so many have been doing for us. 

Please, please, please.  Let us know what we can pray for...you can be as vague or specific as you would like.  We just want to include you in our prayers.  Congruently, we extend our warmest thanks for the prayers lifted up on behalf of our own family.  We have handshakes and possibly awkwardly long bear hugs for everyone we see that has given us such amazing support. 

With All Our Love,

Brad & Lauren Smalling

As TIME Goes By

My apologies to those of you who have been vigilant in reading my blog. I have gone through quite a drought since my last post. This was recently brought to my attention, and I decided it was time to get back to it. My absence has not been from a lack of things to write about to be sure. As most everyone who reads this knows, I rarely have a period of time with nothing to say. My only excuse is that I have been pleasantly distracted by other very important endeavors.

But enough about all that, let's talk about what's on my mind, which is TIME. I'm actually not talking about seconds or minutes or hours. Not days, weeks, months, or years. I'm talking about the magazine, TIME. I do not have a subscription but for reasons that now escape me (possibly my membership to Netflix...which would make this blog all the more ironic) I received a free copy of TIME's special double issue. This issue featured the 100 most influential people in the world.

Several faces grace the cover. From Joe Biden to Michelle Obama. From Mark Zuckerberg to Oprah. But then I saw a couple of people that surprised me. One was an actor from the television show Glee and the other was Academy Award Winning actor Colin Firth. My first thought was "how in the heck do you put a couple of actors on the cover of a magazine about who is supposed to be the 100 most influential people in the world????"

Needless to say, I wanted TIME to justify their selections. The article began with an introduction exclaiming "Meet the most influential people in the world. They are artists and activists, reformers and researchers, heads of state and captains of industry. Their ideas spark dialogue and dissent and sometimes even revolution." Provocative. And the bar was set high from the onset with Wael Ghonim, the young Egyptian man that helped ignite revolution through social media.

I'm good with that selection, but on the very next page, beside Nobel Prize winning economist Joseph Stiglitz and Netflix CEO Reed Hastings, was a full page head shot of comedian Amy Poehler. Now from the well written summaries about Mr. Stiglitz and Mr. Hastings, it was quite apparent that their placement in the top 100 was justifiable to say the least. One predicted the US economic "bubble burst" and has numerous theories that shape modern economic ideas used across the globe. The other revolutionized an entire industry of business and went from former Marine and Peace Corps worker to one of the most successful entrepreneurs of our time.

And now that brings us to Ms. Poehler. Please don't misunderstand my criticism. I love the entertainment industry. Anyone who has seen my movie collection knows that is true. I enjoy film, television, and all other forms of the performing arts. I believe telling stories is important and can be beneficial to the world in many ways, but if we are talking about the importance and influence of the actors who tell the stories, we must be very discerning.

I respect and enjoy Amy Poehler's comedy, but I question how she can be in a list that enumerates the 100 most influential people in the world. It feels awkward to me to put actors in the same list as political activists, revolutionaries, educators, and business geniuses. However, to be fair, many actors and performers are exceptional with helping charitable organizations and participating in worthy humanitarian efforts. Thus, I took to reading the small blurb about Amy that would give me insight into her lofty placement on this list. Her mini-article was written by Parks and Recreation co-star and fellow comedian Aziz Ansari who spent half of his approximately 150 words making an ill-fated joke about Amy trying to get him to invest $15,000 in real estate. The other 75 words were generic platitudes about Amy's good moral standing and comedic prowess.

While I commend Amy on being a good person and a terrific actor, how does that do enough to be one of the most 100 influential people in the world? The list continues with arguably solid selections from Julian Assange to General David Petraeus to JPMorgan Chase head (and my brother's boss) Jamie Dimon. Then I got frustrated some more. Justin Bieber? Blake Lively?? Just because they are popular, are they really influential? Is it influence that has 12 year-old girls crooning "Baby, Baby, Baby"? One might argue that, yes, in fact, it is. However, my argument would be how are we defining influential? In 15 years will what Bieber or Lively have done be remembered? Maybe by some, will they still be revered? Have they done anything to change really anything in this world? And if the answer is no, I just can't see how they make this list. And I do believe the answer is no.

I'm not saying everyone in the entertainment industry should be barred from the list. There is no doubt in my mind that musicians such as Elvis and Michael Jackson would take up very worthy spots on such a list when they were alive and changing music forever. I just don't think Bieber is doing anything of the sort. And what separates Lively from the dozens of other young, beautiful actors of our time? The article did nothing to explain how she is more influential than Rachel McAdams, Scarlett Johansson, or Jessica Biel.

Matt Damon made the list, but I found his explanation quite satisfactory. Ted Danson writes about Damon's efforts to bring clean water to the poorest of nations through his involvement in Water.org. It was a very specific focus on his influence in the world beyond his acting. There are plenty of people influencing their company, industry, and so on, but if this list is truly a WORLD list, you have to limit those on the list to individuals who are impacting the most people across the globe.

So why does the list include actors and musicians who seemingly are nothing more than glorified "flavors of the month?" Is it an indictment of our culture elevating the importance of Hollywood? Does it say something about our minimized standards for heroes and people we look up to? Or is it simply a marketing ploy to boost brand equity for certain individuals? And if that is true, what does that say about TIME's creditability?

I don't have the answers to these questions, all I know is that the selection of several celebrities on that list bothered me. I simply hope our society as a whole hasn't been so desensitized by pop culture as to not question any of the people on that list. I want people to question and analyze which I think are two things many people have simply quit doing. In a world of open-source information like Wikipedia, where information of any kind of any form can be found in 0.5 seconds, we seem to have stopped checking the QUALITY of information.

As much as I love being right, I WANT people to question me. Just because TIME is a credible magazine doesn't give all the writers and contributors a reprieve from scrutiny. I think it comes down to apathy. We have become far too apathetic of a society to far too many important issues. That apathy manifests itself in silence which, unfortunately, isn't something easily detectable and thus we go on being apathetic to our own apathy. Talk about a vicious cycle.

So maybe in the long run, it really doesn't mean that much to our daily lives who is considered the top 100 most influential people in the world according to TIME magazine. But I still think it is worth thinking about who you believe should be on that list. While you're at it, think about the top 10 most influential people IN YOUR OWN LIFE. I hope that, unlike TIME's list, yours is void of pop culture icons and filled with great thinkers, supportive friends, and loving family members. And I hope everybody's #1 is the same... Jesus Christ. God bless.


What I'm Into:

Song: "Something Beautiful" Needtobreathe. I love trying to mimic the lead singer's voice (even though I fail miserably). They played at Easter@Verizon (Meck's Easter Service) and they were fantastic. It's a great song that spoke to me on a very personal level.

Movie: The Adjustment Bureau. I liked it a lot...plus it's the only movie I have seen in the theatre in a looooonnnngggg time. It has some very "Hollywood-ified" religious concepts in it, but it was a unique and intriguing film based around the idea of destiny.

Bible Verse: John 9:4 [Jesus said] "All of us must quickly carry out the tasks assigned us by the one who sent me, because there is little time left before the night falls and all work comes to an end."

A Letter to The NFL

Dear Commish Goodell, Owners, Coaches (except Bilicheat cuz...ya know...I really don't like you), Players, Kickers/Punters, Refs, Staff, and Whomever Else It May Concern:


I write this letter as a concerned American citizen. As a perplexed sports aficionado. As a ticked off homebody that needs football on television at least four nights a week.

Help me understand what the fuss is all about. Please. And don't give me the "he said/she said crap". Neither the players nor the owners are going to make ANY money if games don't get played next season. So what is all this going on now? One big game of chicken? Does both sides of this little spat think that by demanding more greenbacks and coming off as unflappable at the negotiations table that the other side will panic and give in completely? How often does that happen?

The crazy thing is the disconnect is not on WHAT to do but rather what to do with the changes that BOTH sides want to make. Take for example rookie salaries. Both sides are in agreement, as far as I can tell, that rookies shouldn't make as much. Cool. But both sides have very different views as to where to transfer the money that USED to go to pay outrageous first round draft picks salaries. Here's some arbitration for ya: if you can't agree on it, NEITHER of you should get it. Just like my mom used to say to my brother and I if we both wanted to play with a specific toy...if we can't share it then neither one of us will get to play with it. So owners and players, if you can't share the $1 billion dollars, I don't think either one should get ANY of it. Instead, why don't we pump that money into the school systems in the areas of the 32 NFL franchises.

Typically the larger metropolitan areas are where most pro-teams reside and these also happen to be the areas that need the most financial support for their schools. Based on the amount of students in each area and current levels of academic prowess in those areas, we could easily formulate a system to delineate funds to every applicable market across the nation. From Buffalo to Miami...from New York to San Francisco...the NFL could do some amazing things if that money could find its way to our schools that need it the most, particularly inner city schools.
I have been watching The Wire lately which is a very raw and realistic HBO show that revolves primarily around Baltimore City Police. However, Season 4, takes a turn and focuses more on the school system. The show demonstrates the pressure teachers are under to "teach toward the test" which basically means they singularly focus students on how to pass the state exams needed to show that the schools are "doing their job." It also depicts how this actually teaches students very little and retention goes out the window. Students from the rougher parts of town don't get the education or direction needed to show them a way to break the bonds of poverty and indoctrination of the preeminent drug culture that they were born into.

Granted, it's just a TV show, but if real life is even half as bad as what the show illuminates, then we have serious problems. But we all knew that already. Then I think about the Baltimore Ravens. A strong franchise that really does a lot for the city it is located in. I think about the NFL's Play60 campaign to promote healthy play and activity for kids 60 minutes a day. Then I think, why not go a step further. How much more would those Ravens be heroes to the children of Baltimore if the $20 million they were going to pay that rookie went down to $12 million and the other $8 million went to better school facilities, textbooks, SPORTS EQUIPMENT for middle school teams. Or better yet, why don't we start honoring the real heroes and raise teachers' salaries! I know not every teacher deserves it, but let's incentivize the ones that do! Let's try to attract more qualified and exuberant educators that are bent on changing the lives of young people for the better instead of giving a measly paycheck to whomever is willing to "handle" a classroom of rambunctious 4th graders 5 days a week.

If it helps, NFL, I can turn this into "business talk" so that you don't think you are just giving away your cash. Think of this move as a long-term investment. You put money towards educational institutions where, in 5-10 years student-athletes will be cropping up looking forward to playing for their hometown club. It is no secret there is an inverse relationship in the rise of quality education and crime. Mr. Goodell has been on a mission to "clean-up" players' off-field behavior since day 1. Well, helping a 22 year-old choose right from wrong starts when they are in grade school. These players need to learn financial literacy as well. Going from $0 to $millions would be a difficult transition for anyone, but the more they understand savings, investing, and money management techniques, the better off your players will be when that first check is in their hands. This can all be established with a firm foundation starting as early as middle school!

So you are basically paying to make your future players better...in so many ways. I mean shoot, so much as been discussed this past season over concussions and helmet safety. Well concussions can happen in high school football as well. New helmets courtesy of your friendly neighborhood pros would be a nice gesture. If the city's (whatever city it may be) improves its education in the classroom, its academic as well as athletic facilities, it will draw in more quality talent to the area. This will give a big advantage to local college teams which can lead to more press of the entire area and the football being developed there and Mr. Joe Schmo's NFL franchise looks more appealing because of the surrounding amateur ball being played.

Does any of this sound good to you NFL execs? I'm guessing it means about diddly-squat to you in all actuality. This entire letter is just the ramblings of a die-hard Colts fan that thinks if we hadn't had 40% of the team injured throughout the season, we could have made a very serious run to the Super Bowl this year and he just really wants to see an agreement made to ensure the season is played because he thinks Indy could be the first host site of a Super Bowl where the home team is actually IN the game. And to some degree you would be right to think all that.

But think about EVERYTHING that will be effected by a holdout...the pizza delivery industry, the sports bars, the merchandise chains, etc. Lots of other people depend on NFL being THE NFL. Whether that is a good thing or bad thing can be debated, but what's up for debate now is all about the benjamins. I say, in the long run, everyone benefits if the NFL and NFLPA can agree to send disputed funds to the local schools. Mark my words on this. Until that time, school's out...way out.



What I'm into:

Movie- Remember the Titans. One of my favorite football movies.

Song- Rise Against "I Was A Teenage Anarchist" I really like this song and this album. Here is an artist that has realized the silliness of some of their previous adolescent rebellions and have come out the other side able to reflect and grow from their past mistakes...while simultaneous making good music about it.

Bible Verse- 1 John 3:17 "But if anyone has enough money to live well and sees a brother or sister in need and refuses to help- how can God's love be in that person."

Dream a Little Dream

Living alone can sometimes suck. Ya feel me? On those few week nights I have nothing to do, my friends are far away, and there is nothing sports-related I want to watch on TV, I start doing something dangerous...THINKING!

My brain goes all over the place: what would I look like with a beard (answer...not as awesome as I would hope), who would I like to punch in the face more Rex Ryan or Bill Belichick (answer, either would be satisfying), and of course the general quandaries about why the world/people/I is/are/am the way we are. (answer: Why you asking me? or I guess, Why am I asking myself?). And the answer to THAT answer goes back to the reason I started asking questions in the first place: boredom. Now ain't that the epitome of circular logic.

While my brain was chasing it's own tail with these riveting questions, one question in particular invaded my cerebral cortex and embedded itself in a few hundred thousand synapses. As I have a tendency to do, I got pretty existential and starting pondering why do we...and by we I mean humans...dream? For that matter why do we sleep?

Well immediately, I'm sure many of you (which might be presumptuous of me that "many" could describe how many people will actually read this) will give the response that sleep is required because our humanly bodies need to recoup energy for the next day ahead. True. But WHY do we have to do that? Granted there is night and day and the structure of our universe tends to lend itself to giving most creatures a very specific time to "shut it down" for a while. And in my solitary supposings, I naturally went on to question even WHY the universe is structured the way it is.

As a man who believes God created everything, I came to only one conclusion: God wants us to dream! If God intentionally made the heavens and the earth, then intentionally made us, and was able to be so detailed down to the microscopic level, it seems ludicrous to suggest that dreams were some unforeseen by-product of a decision made by an omnipotent creator. Dreams had to be intentional along with everything else. So, again, I pose the question, why? What purpose do dreams serve?

God, being able to make this world whatever He wanted it to be, could have created a world and a people who never had to sleep. However, in His wisdom, He gave us a world where 'going' all the time is impossible and sleep is imperative. I know many of us get a heck of a lot more than others...I try to clock in 8 hours a night minimum, but the fact remains that whether it is 2 hours or 10 hours, everybody is doing it.

Now add to this that our brain is still active and can produce the most elaborate and outlandish apparitions of reality while we sleep...so much in fact, that some times we can dream and even think it WAS real, and tell me you don't have a bit of curiosity about why God made us able to do this?

It dumbfounds me that some people have told me that they don't dream. I don't know (and obviously can't) if these people truly don't dream at all or just forget them as soon as they wake up. *By the way, did anyone else love Inception as much as I did, I just realized how close I am about to get to the plot line of that movie and it got me excited! * On the other side of things, it dumbfounds me some of the beautiful, significant dreams people have told me they've had.

It pains me that most of my dreams are just down right stupid. Most are on par with me and that talking baby from the E*trade commercials skiing together down a volcano that is spewing delicious caramel. Not sure if there is any significance in that, but I know people who have had dreams that have TRULY meant something. Dreams that have given them direction in life. Dreams that have affirmed them. Dreams that have presented "what if" realities to choices a person may or may not make. That is some COOL stuff to me.

I believe that dreams are one way God communicates to people. Maybe not to everyone, but to some, I think God taps into their lives in a meaningful way through their dreams. Psychologists may say that dreams serve more as a means for the mind to rectify feelings we've had, perhaps repressed feelings that we need to live out, or maybe a hundred other metaphysical conditions that need to be addressed that we may either consciously or subconsciously be aware of. So, my inquisitive nature then presents, How do we know that isn't God? If you believe in the trinity, as I do, then The Holy Spirit is with us 24/7. If God recognizes a need for us to reconcile something plaguing our minds and/or hearts, maybe the crazy dreams we have are the manifestation of God's means of addressing that issue.

Unfortunately this led me down a more self-evaluating road. If my dreams are silly, meaningless, and focused more on what I see on TV than what I read in The Bible, then what does that say about the state of my heart? I know this may be a little overly harsh but if my mind was set more on God and less on the things that entertain me, I just think that would show up in my dreams. I dreamt last night. I had asked God to let me dream and I asked Him to be part of my dream, to make it a spiritual dream. Then I dreamt that me and 2 friends were eating at a restaurant and they somehow stole the keys to my car (which was, for some reason, a white van) and, without me knowing it, moved it into a handicap spot and called the cops who then wrote me a ticket. Granted, there may be a nugget of spiritual wisdom to be discerned upon further reflection of that dream...I'm just not sure what it is yet.

I see throughout The Bible, God, or in many cases angels, communicating to people in dreams. What's to say the same thing is not going on today? Granted the dream interactions we read about in The Bible seem much more overt than how most of us dream today, but that doesn't mean there isn't wisdom to glean from our modern day mind movies. One of our biggest problems is retention. After about 5-10 minutes from the moment I wake up, I usually forget any thing or at least most of what I dreamed about. I think it is because as soon as reality hits, I start thinking of what I need to do today, my 5 senses fully spark back up, and my sensory inputs such as feeling cold or hot, hearing the garbage man, or smelling coffee brewing override my ability to dwell on the images my brain produced moments earlier.

Now, while I personally have never kept a "dream journal" per se (well I had a journal that read "Dream" on it when I was a kid, but that was mostly filled with pictures of Jennifer Love-Hewitt), I do think it might be a worthwhile thing. I'm not sure what I would find out about myself if I took the time to write down all I remember about my dreams as soon as I woke up. Maybe I'm scared to actually be that introspective. Maybe I'm worried my subconscious knows me better than I know myself. Maybe I'm just too lazy to grab a pen and paper first thing in the morning and work my brain IMMEDIATELY after I wake up. Maybe it's all three.

I know one thing. Nowadays, I'm all about bettering myself. Physically, mentally, spiritually. And if dreams really do serve a purpose, as I believe they must, I say it's got to be a worthwhile venture to analyze what they could mean. Will I start having more profound dreams after I write this? Will I start experiencing spectacular visions in my sleep? Will I get a glimpse into what God has planned for me?

Maybe dreams can come true.


What I'm Into:

Movie: Inception- Not sure many people will want to be my friend after this admission, but I totally want to be able to navigate people's dreams. And, if I'm being really honest, I'd also like to be able to prank them every once and a while by creating a dream within their dream. Just think how much easier dating could be if I could subconsciously plant the idea in women's mind that I'm the best thing since sliced bread. ;)

Song: "White Blank Page" Mumford & Sons- This album is amazing and right now is in a tie for first in my 2010 albums of the year. I think Mumford & Sons are catchy yet unique, have shown that they can go beyond the trite lyrics that plague alternative music, and they can rock out with string instruments and a piano.

Bible Verse: "He speaks in dreams, in visions of the night, when deep sleep falls on people as they lie in their beds." Job 33:15

Hot vs. Cold

I'm almost always hot. Now depending on who is reading this you may be thinking I'm referring to my physical appearance in which case right now you are either saying "Boy, howdie!" or "Eh, wrong!" For those of you who processed that first sentence and thought the former- YOUR SOOO SWEET (I'm blushing). For those whose brain waves took them straight to the latter, I AIN'T MAD AT YA (The Brad is an acquired taste). :)

All joking aside, I'm actually speaking about temperature. For those who have known me during my speech/debate years, you have seen (and possibly felt...for which I'm sorry) that first hand. In a full suit, performing in a small overly-heated classroom, my brow becomes a multitude of perpetually perspiring pores that, when I move my head quickly, can easily become tiny projectiles seeking out unassuming spectators to bombard. It should be a lot like going to watch a show at Sea World, the first few rows should heed a warning that if you sit this close to the performer, you WILL get wet.

I know that is a VERY unattractive quality of mine, and many of you "Boy, howdie!" people are quickly changing your responses to "Eh, wrong!" Nonetheless, it is a truth about who I am. I am hot-natured. It has been proven time and time again. Whenever I circle up with a group of people and we hold hands to pray, 9 times out of 10 BOTH people feel (and possible comment) on how warm my hands are. Likewise, most hands I touch are dumbfoundingly chilly to me.

Moreover, when ever most people in the room are comfortable, I am burning up. When ever most everyone is cold, I'm right as rain. I try to keep my house at a cool 65 degrees during the day, and turn that down to 58 when I'm in bed. Sleeping under large blankets when it is two degrees below nipply all around me is one of my favorite "small pleasures" in the world...nay...the universe.

In Charlotte, I can wear shorts up almost to Halloween depending on where in the historic highs-to-lows spectrum the temperature falls. Now, don't get me wrong, I CAN get cold. In fact, what made me think of all this is the cold weather I have been experiencing the last several days here in the mountains of Tennessee. I've been walking the neighborhood with my dad each day, and most of the time when we get out to door and moving by 4:00 pm, I'm solid. However, a few nights ago we went out about 5:30 pm. With the wind in our face (and my stupidity in forgetting any insulated head wear) my ears felt like icicles, my nose felt like I had just dipped it in liquid nitrogen, and even my cheeks could have served as miniature ice rinks for a winter-themed flea circus.

Despite Jack Frost nipping at my entire facial structure, I was only in minor discomfort. I knew that had the end of the 1+ mile trek my father and I were on awaited a haven of warming bliss that is my parent's house. That's the thing. No matter how cold it gets, it is so much easier to get warmer than to cool down when it is unbearably hot. Blankets, space heaters, fires, another person's body heat (giggity, giggity!), and a multitude of other practical and creative ways of getting warm exist. Now, when I am burning up like two weasels going at it in a tube sock, what is there that can really make me cooler? Central air conditioning is bound to just cooling a structure, fans only push air, ice melts away...so tell me...why would anyone rather be hot than cold?

Yet gender seems to play a role in this. I'd say 95% of all women I meet HATE being cold and much rather be warm. I've seen this played out in the lives of my married friends whose homes were so delightfully chilled yet once they tie that knot, BAM!, the house heat-factor gets so toasty I feel like we are two blocks too close to an active volcano.

I guess that is one of those sacrifices for love that I'm sure, when the time comes, I'll be more than happy to make. (Others include having to share my bed with another human being, doubling my laundry duty, and watching more of the Oxygen channel). I just hope that whomever ends up with me understands that if that thermostat gets above 70, I'm going to start melting a way like Frosty the Snowman. And that won't be good for the furniture. I never quite understood the reasoning behind a husband creating a "man cave". I think I do now....caves are cold. And that is cool with me.


What I'm Into:

Bible Verse: "I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm- neither hot nor cold- I am about to spit you out of my mouth." -Revelation 3:15-16

Song: "Ice Ice Baby" - Vanilla Ice. While I never really see myself as a person who could connect with this infamous white rapper from the early '90s, I think the song has a good message: colder is better. Hey, Vanilla must have known something as this song was the first hip-hop recording to top the Billboard Charts.

Movie: Ice Age- I don't care what they did for the entire movie or the sequels for that matter. The Scrat MADE this film. The hilarity in that pre-historic squirrel trying to get a nut is one of the funniest five minutes (give or take) that I've seen in any movie.

Own It

It has become increasingly apparent to me over the last several months that among many of our world's ever-expanding lists of maladies is Pass-The-Buck Syndrome.

Admittedly, I am no more immune to this affliction than any other person I have encountered. However, it is something that, with my heightened awareness to the problem, I have consciously attempted to eradicate from my modus operandi.

The concept is so simple and easy to implement that I believe we responsively utilize its tenants to placate any chance of grief or remorse we may feel as a result of our actions, reactions, or ideologies. Compounding the issue is that passing the buck has become so commonplace that we have cultivated a benign indifference or even a gentle acceptance to others who blatantly use this strategy to explain away darn near ANYTHING.

The senior pastor at my church, Dr. Jim White, recently blogged about this epidemic behavior. You can read his blog on this matter at the website churchandculture.org. In his blog entitled McVictim, Dr. White expands on a New York Times article by David Gratzer that speaks about what he refers to as "McVictim Syndrome" which specifically points to Americans placing blame on external factors for the continuously climbing national obesity rate.

As is pointed out in Dr. White's blog, this is simply a microcosm to a larger issue that suggests American society deliberately blames other people/things for their difficulties or mistakes because then it is no longer their problem. The person then can rationalize that they no longer have to deal with the infraction but rather an outside agent must change in order for there to be any resolution.

There are too many examples of this throughout our culture, a plethora of them coming from pop culture. Recently, after dropping an arguably so-easy-a-caveman-could-do-it catch in the endzone to win the game, Buffalo Bills wide receiver Steve Johnson (who is on my fantasy team this year and is one of the only bright spots on my roster) directed a tweet to God asking why would he let such a thing happen.

Really?

No seriously, really?

The dude dropped a pass. It hit him in the hands. He SHOULD have caught it, he COULD have caught it. Instead of owning it, he decides to blame the Big Man. Now, even if the guy does thank God for every catch he makes, does he really believe God is the one catching the ball every time? That God is puppeteering him down the field on all the successful touchdowns Steve has had this year? It's amazing to me how much we make God play a secondary roll in our successes then is immediately upgraded to the starring role in our failures.

While The Creator of the Universe seems to be humanity's primary scapegoat, we have an uncanny ability to make a scapegoat out of darn near anything. Adam had Eve as his "fall guy" from the moment God asked THE question. I can't tell you how many times I've used the phrase "If I only had {this}, things would have been different" or "If only {this} would have happened instead of {that}" or "If {he/she} didn't do this, then I would have done it differently."

There are some people I've met that if I actually heard them say "I'm sorry" or "My fault", I would be...what's the best word...ah...FLABBERGHASTED. At one point, I would have said that I was one of those FLABBERGHASTERS, but hopefully not any more. The problem with actually trying to "own it" (whatever IT may be) is that you handicap yourself. While surrounded by others who are pass-the-buckers, the moment you take the blame for something they are more than willing to let you hear about it.

Integrity comes at a high price more times than not, but just think if we all actively tried to "own it" a little more. If we started being a little more honest with ourselves and were more thoughtful about the reprocusions of our actions, how much could it change us? How much could it change those around us? What if we actually realized it was us who needed to change, how much more willing would we be to go through with changes that would better ourselves?

All I can ask, friends, is that you think on these things and hold me accountable to the sentiments I've shared (cuz if you don't, it's all your fault).*

*Sarcasm used to make a point. Just in case ya missed it



What I'm into:

Bible Verse- 1 Timothy 4:16 "Keep a close watch on yourself and your teaching. Stay true to what is right, and God will save you and those who hear you."

Movie- Scott Pilgram vs The World: Okay the movie looks very silly at first glance, and honestly...it is pretty silly. But before you knock the format, look at the film for what it is- a story about a young adult learning about himself and how he effects the world around him. There's a very honest moment at the end where Michael Cera's character comes to the realization of how much of the drama that surrounds him was caused by HIM. And he owns it. *Side note, whomever the actress is who plays Knives Chow is ridiculously cute. I liked the alternate ending way better than the one they showed in theatres.

Song- Corey Smith "As Angels Cry": For those of you who don't know Corey is an avid UGA fan who sings a lot about football, drinking beer, and having "good times". However, this song is so beautiful and strangely honest that it impacted me greatly. It's all about owning it- the mistakes in our lives and how that can come back to haunt us. The second verse is my favorite:

Feels like I slip further from you every single day
It's getting harder to call your name as I bow my head to pray
And it's nobody's fault but mine
Nobody's but my own
All of the doubts in my head leave no will to carry on
And they're multiplying
Every link in the chain of consequences
Ohh, I'm beaten by the chain

Thank God that when we have moments like this we can ask for forgiveness and be granted it and given peace.