It is what it is.... WHAT?

In the past several years either the phrase "it is what it is" has been assimilated into the vernacular of more humans than F-bombs Rex Ryan drops in the whole season of HBO's HARD KNOCKS or I have just become more astute to it's usage.

I've heard athletes say it, politicians say it, CEOs say it, friends say it, and I think I even heard a 2-year-old say it...but he may have just been reciting all the words he knew and threw those in a coincidental order.

*Note to my friends who HAVE said "it is what it is" to me. No worries. I ain't mad at ya.*

Needless to say, this phrase bothers me. Don't get me wrong, there are probably times where this phrase is applicable and warranted (e.g. "How in the world can Brad not like peanut butter?" "It just is what it is.") We seem to throw this phrase out whenever there just isn't a good explanation for something, or we don't seem to have an explanation for something, or we are just to lazy to EXPLAIN the explanation to someone.

The phrase itself is really not my problem, it's the ideology behind the frequent usage of such a phrase that troubles me. I think the recent spike in the phrase's popularity stems from a mindset that many in our culture subscribe to: certain things just can't be change, so why try to.

Think about it. Most of the circumstances I've encountered "it is what it is" have been where someone is dismissing their own words or actions (or someone else's) as something that happened because THAT'S just the way she/he is and how she/he does things and everyone else should just get used to it.


Now, I am all for individuality, and I'm even 100% behind someone who, in their best knowledge of wisdom and discernment, made a choice and stands by it in retrospect when addressing questions from others. HOWEVER, I say 99% of the time someone says "it is what it is" the comment is meant more as a deflection and an implied "deal with it [punks]" (I added the "punks" part for effect).

Most recently I heard several people use the phrase to justify the Rex Ryan reference I alluded to earlier. For those who don't know, Rex is the coach of the New York Jet's. On the first episode of an HBO show called HARD KNOCKS that aired recently, Rex did not hold back from his apparent frequent use of profanity he employs while addressing his team. Tony Dungy, former coach of the Superbowl winning Indianapolis Colts (Go Horse!), was asked during an interview on the NFL Network what he thought about the show. Tony mentioned he didn't like Rex's use of language and said he wouldn't have a guy like that coaching his squad. Tony went on to suggest the Commisioner's office might be well served to intercede in this matter.

A flurry of responses from players, Rex himself, analysts, and random New Yorkers ensued. Most of which criticized Dungy for "looking down" on Rex. I heard several people, particularly those interviewed on a Manhattan street corner, use the phrase "it is what it is" and "let him be" and "if you don't like it, turn the channel" when defending the foul-mouthed coach.

Okay, first issue: Dungy was ASKED A QUESTION! And, because he is an honest dude, he gave an HONEST ANSWER about how he personally felt about it. If you want to tell a man to mind his own business, tell that to the interviewer (which I think was Dan Patrick) NOT the interviewee. I can't believe the negative reactions that have ignited towards Dungy in this scenario.

Second: What do you mean "it is what it is"? This boils down to the heart of what I'm getting at. Everything we do is a choice. Everything. Well, except for maybe death and paying taxes- but many people have chosen to try to avoid both of those as well...more have been successful avoiding the latter rather than the former. We CHOOSE what we say and how we say it, we CHOOSE how our reactions manifest themselves in a given situation, we CHOOSE the persona and public image that everyone sees. It's not "it is what it is" more fittingly "it is what I choose it to be".

Look, I've been known to use salty language at times, but it's something I'm trying to get better about NOT doing. That is CHOICE I have made for myself. Does Rex need to answer to anyone about how he speaks? Well, no one on this earth, but I think where Tony's coming from is that some players may not wish to hear F-bombs every third sentence. Or, more importantly to a coach, not all players may respond well to that.

Congruently, let's talk about the HBO show. True, it's a free country and no one is forced to watch that network or that show, so it is easy to just change the channel if you don't want to hear that language BUT what if a dad of a high school football star wants to see what it is like in The Big League? What if a kid LOVES the Jets? What about the avid football fan that wants to see the stuff that goes on behind the scenes? And what if those people are offended by what they hear? Again, you can say "well tough". But the NFL is a business. This show is a way to market itself...potentially getting younger or newer fans interested to increase viewership during the regular season. What if you alienate new customers? Someone may be turned off by the use of language but I don't think many people will consciously go "boy, I'd like this show and/or the NFL better if I heard more swearing."

On the broader spectrum, "it is what it is" IS running rampant. I've had people use the phrase to defend others I know because their behavior was cruel or embarrassing. I just don't buy it. If you care for someone and you see them saying or doing something that hurts themselves or someone else, why would you just brush it off as "oh, that's just [Insert Name Here], she/he is ALWAYS like that."

I would argue that it is our duty to care for each other, especially those closest to us. If we can help them better themselves, why wouldn't we speak up? But our society sees interceding in that way as abrasive and rude. I'd say if your intentions are pure and good, and you approach someone with love, that any effort made will NEVER be abrasive or rude.

I've seen too many lives change drastically, too many stories of 180-degree turns, and I've had too many of my own experiences to deny that someone will always be a certain way. "It is what it is"- only until it ISN'T. Nothing is set in stone my friends, except for the love our God has for us. This is a dynamic world and we are an AMAZINGLY dynamic people. I believe that's the way God wanted it, so no matter how deep in it we get, we can always turn completely around and the God who created everything will be waiting on us with open arms.

So my encouragement to everyone is to seek out the things you have in your own lives that all you can say to defend it is "it is what it is," and really think about what that means and what it would mean to be able to explain it with the wisdom and confidence of having an omnipotent God backing you up. That's how I've been challenging myself lately- would my actions/words get a thumbs up from Jesus.

In that way, I never have an "it is what it is" moment but a "it is what He wants it to be". It's a goal, it's a choice.